This time last year I was crying sending my Bug off to middle school. Everything in me rejected the idea of middle school. On his first day of pre-school I cried, not because he was going to pre-school, but because it was September 11, 2001 and I don't think anyone was immune that day. I didn't cry on his first day of kindergarten or his 5th grade graduation. That is just not how I roll. BUT I cried every time I went to the middle school those first few months. It just never felt right.
I began to realize that something had to change. I decided to check out private schools, one in particular. Jumped in and before I knew it, applications were made, tours were given, tests were taken and we waited. I prayed. I was convinced that this was the plan God had for our family. It had all gone so smoothly. The school was perfect. They said ALL of the right things. THIS was the school that was going to FIX all that was wrong. They said NO? They said NO!
For most normal people this would have just been a bump in the road. For me, I was totaled! I had put all of our eggs in one basket and they had been SMASHED. Not because this school didn't accept Bug, but because I was CONVINCED that God had a plan and this was it. Apparently, there were some lessons I couldn't learn any other way.
I was slowly working through a Bible study at the time and didn't really feel like I was getting much from it until...
Is. 55:8-9 "'For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways', declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher that the earth so are My ways higher that your ways, and My thoughts your thoughts."
Matthew 6:26 "...Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do the spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these..."
Genesis 48:15-16 "The God before whom my fathers Abraham and Isaac walked, the God who has been my shepherd all my life to this day, the angel who has redeemed me from evil, bless my sons..."
Is. 40:11 "Like a shepherd He will tend his flock, in his arms He will gather the lambs and carry them in His breast; He will gently lead those with young."
Finally, the Bible study reminded me that God is a master potter. He makes each one unique and special, with all of our flaws and imperfections, so that when HE fixes us there can be no question of His power and glory. I began to realize that for 12 years I had been trying to FIX this perfectly dyslexic, disorganized, brilliant child that God had created just so. TRANSFORMED!!!
This is not the end of the transformation...I suspect it will be years. But on my knees, before my son, I begged forgiveness for trying to FIX the perfect person God created and today we walk together bathed in a new light. Sometimes a blinding light that causes me to stumble, but a beautiful light none the less.
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